Friday, March 26, 2010


Dear Donora...

Just an update on my life. Nothing too exciting, so don't get your hopes up.

1. We don't know if 'she' is pregnant or not. (For anyone who might stumble across this, no, 'she' is not me. And, no, I won't tell you who 'she' is.) She went to the dr. this week, took another test -don't know why- and it came back negative. So, 'she' is asking 'him' for more money to go to the doctor again. However, 'he' isn't going with 'her' but rather just forking over money. Big mistake. 'He' is such an idiot sometimes.

2. I got asked to help with another wedding. Whoo-hoo! This time I'll be helping with the floral and design part of it. I've never done that before, so I'm really excited about it. One step closer to being a fabulous wedding planner!

3. I think I'm forgetting how to do marketing. I was asked to help on a city event, (I think I mentioned this to you once before) and as of right now, I'm kind of in charge of all the marketing efforts. You remember that feeling once we graduated of "Oh crap! I have no idea what I'm doing!" Well, I have that feeling again.

4. I really don't want to work today. It's beautiful outside, my boss is in a bad mood & it's been an incredibly long week. Since Ben got a promotion, can you beg him to pay my bills so I can quit my job? :) Me and Matthew are too poor to do it on our own.

5. I'm ready for the BEACH!!!

Have a fabulous weekend! Love you and miss you!

p.s. I might have to revert back to emails. I can't be quite as open and honest here on the worldwide web as I can in a private email where only you and email hackers can see.

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

in search of a long lost friend

i'm changing my blog. i know, i know... all my followers (all 3 of them) are going to be so confused, right? i post so many different things and do so quite often, that a name change might throw someone for a loop. i really should take a break on blogging. i mean, who wants to read stuff every other month anyway, right?

...ok... i'm done with the sarcasm now. but i really am changing the name. you see, the whole reason i started this blog was because donora made me. not asked me to. not encouraged me to start it. she literally forced me to do it. it started out with good intentions, and then turned into me reading everyone else's blogs and never updating my own (which was ok, b/c i talked to my friend on a almost-daily basis).

but now my friend donora has seemed to disappear. last i talked to her she said something about an internship, school, work, family, blah, blah, blah. and then she said something about never having any time. i can't really remember what all she said because it was so long ago.

so, this is my attempt to find her again. maybe if i write letters to her more often, she'll somehow track me down on this worldwide web thing and i can keep up with her life again. until then... here are my letters to donora. :)

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

i found that motivation i was looking for

so, yesterday was pretty rough. i found myself begging for motivation and energy to overcome my crazy anger and not let a certain someone control my mood so much. (side note: am i the only one who has such a hard time not letting a person control my thoughts and feelings? why is that so hard?) well, to deal with my anger my plan was to head to the gym for a kickboxing class and pretend like i was punching and kicking that someone in the face. even though i forgot to picture her face, i actually found myself having a pretty good time in the midst of all my sweat. i was pushing myself a little harder than i usually do and surprisingly making it through without collapsing.

and then came the motivation. right as i was thinking i needed a break b/c surely this was too much for my body handle, i look to my right and see the lady with cancer and going through chemo kicking this class's butt. I don't mean just going through the motions and keeping up with the class. I mean really kicking butt.

at that point i quit making excuses. no matter how hard my day had been, no matter how sweaty and tired i was, i didn't have to worry about a horrible disease trying to destroy my life. if this lady, who sometimes probably feels like the world is against her, can fight with a positive attitude, why can't I? i've seen how difficult the chemo treatments can be. i've seen people who sometimes just want to give up. and i've seen those same people keep pushing, keep fighting, keep praying and keep having faith.

God has a funny way of putting things in perspective right when we feel like we can't take anymore.

To the lady in the gym class-- thanks for keeping us all going. thanks for making us more grateful for what we have and here's to kicking cancer's butt like you kick butt in class! :)

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

un-addicting myself to chocolate

today i'm needing some motivation. or inspiration. or determination. or maybe just about any other kind of
-ation you can throw my way. it's been a rough day. and when i say rough, i mean trying not to cry my eyeballs out every single second that passes by. but not because i'm sad. because i'm p*ssed. i'm mad as h*ll and can't do anything about it--which only makes me madder. (yes, i know madder isn't a word, but when you're this mad, you have the right to use whatever kind of made-up words you feel like) last time i felt like this was when i was about to leave my last job. i would get so worked up about work, that it literally drove me to tears and near panic attacks. this time though, i'm just at the tears. i think i've realized that the panic attacks only made things worse, but with the tears came some small sense of relief.

but instead of crying (or maybe downing a bottle of wine), tonight i'm turning to kickboxing- with a certain someone's face in mind with each and every single punch, kick and scream. i'm just proud i haven't turned to chocolate. that would definitely be my usual response. but if i turn to chocolate, the other person wins. if i let them (her) make me eat my anger in pounds of chocolate, she will also make me undo all of the hard work i've done so far. she may control a certain 8 hours of my life each day, but she will not control my "me" time at the gym and away from junk food.

ok, that was determination right? why, yes I think it was. score one for me.