un-addicting myself to chocolate

today i'm needing some motivation. or inspiration. or determination. or maybe just about any other kind of
-ation you can throw my way. it's been a rough day. and when i say rough, i mean trying not to cry my eyeballs out every single second that passes by. but not because i'm sad. because i'm p*ssed. i'm mad as h*ll and can't do anything about it--which only makes me madder. (yes, i know madder isn't a word, but when you're this mad, you have the right to use whatever kind of made-up words you feel like) last time i felt like this was when i was about to leave my last job. i would get so worked up about work, that it literally drove me to tears and near panic attacks. this time though, i'm just at the tears. i think i've realized that the panic attacks only made things worse, but with the tears came some small sense of relief.

but instead of crying (or maybe downing a bottle of wine), tonight i'm turning to kickboxing- with a certain someone's face in mind with each and every single punch, kick and scream. i'm just proud i haven't turned to chocolate. that would definitely be my usual response. but if i turn to chocolate, the other person wins. if i let them (her) make me eat my anger in pounds of chocolate, she will also make me undo all of the hard work i've done so far. she may control a certain 8 hours of my life each day, but she will not control my "me" time at the gym and away from junk food.

ok, that was determination right? why, yes I think it was. score one for me.