i miss auburn. i miss everything about it. the people, the town, the school, the pride, even the classes. but what i miss most today is the feeling that i could literally do anything i wanted to.
we're always told when we're younger that we can be anything we want to be, do anything we want to do, go anywhere we want to go. then we grow up and realize those doing some of those things cost money and time that we don't always have.
right before i graduated, i had my heart set on moving to boston. why? i don't know really. it just sounded fun and was completely different than anything i'd ever done. then i realized how much money it would cost to 1.) move up there and 2.) pay for living expenses until i found a job. on top of that, as a new pr grad, you don't expect to make a lot of money for a while, and after my parents paid for the best 4 years of my life (so far), i didn't want to ask for more.
so, i moved home with the plan of working for a while & building up my savings account so i could fund my own move to a big city. that lasted all of about 4 months. after that, i couldn't deal with living with my parents again after being on my own for 4 years. something about the 'rules' (which were, for the record, not unreasonable at all) just drove me crazy. i moved out & remembered how much i loved to spend money & shop. so much for the savings account.
...anyway... long story short... today, i'm still in my hometown and very much feeling like my options are extremely limited. i know that's not true and that somewhere deep down inside there's still a part of me that can do anything i want to, but today i'm feeling stuck.
today i'm feeling like i will probably live paycheck to paycheck for the rest of my life. i'm feeling like i may never find a my 'dream job' (even though i don't know what that is yet) and i may always feel limited in my possibilities.
all of this is not to discredit the wonderful people in my life who bring me more happiness than they know. i have a very loving family, an outstanding boyfriend that i couldn't live without and amazing friends that keep me sane and laughing every single day.
i'm just in a funk.
maybe i'll have another diet dr. pepper. :) hehe.
Real Wedding: City Hall with Simone Lennon
7 months ago